Chances are if you’re in a toxic relationship, your relationship just isn’t what you thought it would be. You had an idea of how amazing being in love would be and how exciting your relationship would be from here on out. Granted, issues will pop up in every relationship, but toxic relationships go beyond the normal contrast that occurs.
So, what is a toxic relationship and how do you know if you’re in one?
First of all, a toxic relationship is a relationship that is unhealthy at the foundation. It may look good from the outside, but behind closed doors things are going on and red flags are waving, that will alert you to trouble beneath the surface.
You may be in a toxic relationship with a partner or it can be a friend, coworker, or family worker. The dynamics go beyond just the intimate relationships. The following are common signs that you may indeed be in a toxic relationship. They’re “red flags” so-to-speak. See if you can relate to any of them.
There is hostility
Whether it’s you or him, there is a whole lot of anger running rampant. Do you feel afraid to be who you are or share your feelings out of fear of an angry backlash? Do you both scream at each other when an issue arises? It’s normal to get angry at times, but how you deal and express that anger can take a healthy relationship and turn it into a toxic one.
There is abuse
If there is any kind of abuse going on, the relationship is toxic. Does he physically abuse you? Even just a push up against a wall or grabbing you really hard is abuse. How about verbal attacks? Does he call you names? Put you down? Demean you? Does he make fun of you? Abuse is a tell-tale sign of an unhealthy and toxic relationship.
He is absent
If you’re in a relationship and your guy just isn’t there for you in any shape or form, this could be a toxic relationship. He may promise you the moon, but be so busy with his life outside of you that he just isn’t around for you. Or he may be so shut down emotionally that even when he is with you, there is zero communication.
You have lost sight of who you are
Have you wrapped up your sole identity in your partner? Friend? Do you spend lots of time doing things to please him or her? Do you cater to his needs and forget about yours? Hold your opinions to yourself and go with his? If you’ve lost sight of who you are, this is unhealthy. A healthy relationship is comprised of two individuals who have life together, but also a life outside of each other.
There is a lot of control going on
Do you have to run everything by him before you can do something? Does he control all the finances? Tell you who you can hang out with? Or tell you that you can’t have friends of your own? Do you do this to him? Control is a sign of toxicity in a relationship.
There is mega jealousy
A little bit of jealousy is common in relationships, but is your relationship defined by it? Are you afraid to talk to others out of fear of being called a cheater? Do you go through is phone to see who he is texting? Calling? Is there a lot of accusations going on about affairs?
You want to leave him, but you can’t
If you want to break up with him, but you can’t for a variety of reasons, the relationship may be toxic. Do you feel petrified to leave out of the fear of being alone? Does he control the finances and you fear you won’t make it on your own? Do you fear him coming after you? Making your life miserable? These are all red flags.
Toxic relationships are common, but the good news is that there are red flags you can take a look at to see if yours is toxic. If it is, you don’t necessarily have to end it, as sometimes when both partners are willing to work on the issues, the relationship can thrive. Oftentimes, it’s necessary to get some professional help individually and as a couple. If you feel your relationship is toxic, perhaps it is time to get honest with yourself and your partner. Have a conversation and take the necessary steps to work on both you and the relationship.