Anger Management in Ireland – Techniques, Therapy & Support

About the author

Dr Elaine Ryan

Dr Elaine Ryan is a psychologist with over 20 years of experience. She specialises in OCD and anxiety-related conditions and worked in the NHS in the UK before setting up a private practice in Dublin. Dr Ryan obtained her PsychD from The University of Surrey and is a member of The British Psychological Society, The UK Society for Behavioural Medicine and EuroPsy registered. You can also find Dr Ryan on PsychologyToday.Dr Ryan has been featured on RTÉ Television, the Wall Street Journal, Irish Independent, and Business Insider.

Page last updated by Dr Elaine Ryan

October 18, 2025

Feeling angry is part and parcel of being human, it’s even healthy and adaptive in some circumstances – but when it feels out of control, anger can hurt your health, relationships, and peace of mind. In Ireland, many of us were raised not to talk about our anger, which means we often struggle alone. But there are effective, compassionate ways to feel and communicate anger in a way that is healthy. In this guide, I want to talk about what anger is, when it becomes a problem, and how you can take control with proven techniques and supports.

What Is Anger and When Does It Become a Problem?

Anger is an emotion we all experience. It’s essentially a massive surge of energy and white knuckle tension in response to something threatening, frustrating, or unfair. In fact, feeling angry can sometimes be helpful – if it alerts you to a problem and helps you take some sort of action, for example, feeling anger helped me to leave a long term situation that was no longer good for me. However, anger becomes a problem when it’s too intense, or you feel it too often , or express it in a way that can harm you or those around you.

Anger is like a fire: a small controlled fire can keep you warm, but an out-of-control blaze is dangerous. You might wonder “where’s the line between normal anger and a real issue?” 

Generally, anger is problematic if it’s causing distress or damage – for example, if you find that you regret things you say or do when angry, if people you care about are afraid of your temper, or if you feel you’re “on edge” all the time. (If you’re unsure, see when anger becomes a problem for common red flags.)

Signs You May Have Anger Issues

Unhealthy anger isn’t just about dramatic outbursts; it can also simmer in the background . Here are some signs that anger may be an issue for you:

• Frequent irritability or rage: You get angry at the smallest things and feel unable to calm down quickly. The intensity might surprise even you.
• Physical symptoms: Your heart races, muscles tense, face flushes. Chronic anger might give you headaches or stomach troubles from all the stress hormones.
• Verbal or physical aggression: Shouting, swearing, or becoming violent (like throwing or breaking things) are clear warning signs. You may later feel guilt or shame about these anger outbursts.
• Passive-aggressive behaviour: On the flip side, some people don’t explode; they suppress anger. You might give the “silent treatment”, make sarcastic remarks, or stew internally (known as passive aggression). This can be just as unhealthy.
• Relationship or work impact: Your anger is causing fights with family, hurting your children, or creating problems at work (e.g. you’ve been written up for your temper).

Do any of these sound familiar? If so, don’t panic – but do take your anger seriously. Later, we’ll discuss building a personal anger management plan to address these patterns.

Understanding Anger – Causes, Triggers & Types

Understanding anger is the first step to managing it. By breaking it down into its components—physical, cognitive, and behavioural—you can begin to regain control.

Anger operates on three interconnected levels — body, mind, and behaviour.

• Physical – what happens in your body when you experience the emotion
• Cognitive (thoughts) – what thought processes run through your mind during the feeling, and
• Behavioural – what you do and feel you want to do when you experience the emotion.
  
  Your body revs up (heart rate, muscle tension), your thoughts justify the reaction (“they disrespected me”), and your behaviour expresses it (snapping, withdrawing, or confronting).
  Learning to notice which part activates first can help you interrupt the chain.

It is the interplay between these three components that determines whether you have anger issues or not.

4 Stage Anger Model

Psychologists, like myself, cringe when we hear people being told to punch and scream into pillows when angry as this does not help the situation, rather it can escalate your anger further. To understand this, we need to take a look at the cycle of anger. The anger cycle consists of the following four stages:

Trigger: A situation, thought, or event sets off your anger.
Example: Someone cutting in front of you in traffic.

Escalation: Physical and emotional signs of anger build.
Example: Heart pounding, clenched fists, or racing thoughts like, “They did that on purpose!”

Crisis: Anger peaks, making rational decisions difficult.
Example: Yelling or acting aggressively.

Recovery: Your body calms down, but guilt or regret may follow.

How to Break the Cycle

• At the Trigger Stage, recognize your warning signs (e.g., increased heart rate) and use a grounding technique like deep breathing.
• During Escalation, pause and redirect your thoughts with calming self-talk (e.g., “I can handle this calmly”).

In my diagram below you can see that there are a few exit routes when you can avoid full-blown anger and hopefully, you can see why punching a pillow only escalates your anger further, as it’s a strong punching action encouraging screaming!

Anger often doesn’t arise in a vacuum; there are usually underlying causes and immediate triggers. Understanding these is a key step toward managing your reactions.

• Triggers: Think of triggers as the spark to your anger fire. Common anger triggers include stressful situations (traffic jams, work deadlines), feeling disrespected or unappreciated, not having control over a situation, or reminders of past painful events. Everyone’s triggers are different – for one person, a snide comment might set them off; for another, being put on hold on the phone can light the fuse. Part of anger management is identifying your anger triggers so you can anticipate and defuse them. (You might even keep a diary for a week to spot patterns.)
  
  Recognising Your Triggers
  Everyone is different, but basically, for you to feel angry, you have to experience a situation or thought as harmful in some way. I find it it helpful to group the things that make you angry into the following categories.
  Things that are unfair or break the rules.
  Things that irritate or annoy you.
  Things that cost you time or money.
  Things that are unfair or break rules
  You feel angry, not only when a rule is broken, such as laws set down by the government or rules of the road, but also be alert to anger your experience when someone breaks rules you hold.
  Rules set by law
  Someone not following the rules of the road.
  People who make noise after a pre-defined time.
  People who break the law.
  Rules set by you
  You must think about the rules set by you, as these are more likely to provoke an angry response than when someone breaks the rules set by law. There are far too many to list, and many will be unique to you, but I shall give some examples to show you what to look for.People should tidy up after themselves.People should respect my space.People should not question me.Kids should stay out of my garden.People should not make use of my things.
  Read about how narrative therapy helps you rewrite the stories that fuel anger and gain a healthier perspective; How Narrative Therapy Helps with Anger
  Things that cost you time and money
  Examples of things that can make you angry in this category can include,
  Someone who is wasting your time.
  Not taking care of something that cost money. This could be not taking care of a car, right down to minor things such as not taking care of or appreciating smaller items that cost you money and time to earn it.
  Things that irritate or annoy you
  Like the other examples above, this list will be unique, but I shall give some examples to get you started.Loud people.Being shouted at.Neighbours not taking care of their property; think untidy front garden.People who eat with their mouths open.Not saying thank you, or excuse me.impolite people
  
  So many of these things can cross categories. You might have an internal rule to be polite, expect the same from others, and be irritated by rudeness.
  Someone is coughing, standing close behind you in a queue. This is one of mine!
  A stranger standing too close to you.
  If you want to express anger without losing your temper or want to feel less wound up all the time, you need to know your triggers before you can start working on them. I divided them into the categories above. It is easier to identify your triggers when you can label or categorise them.
  Once you have your list, you can start to look for the early warning signs of anger.
  How to Spot the Early Warning Signs of Anger
  Recognizing anger before it spirals out of control is the first step to managing it. Anger manifests in three main ways: physically, cognitively (your thoughts), and behaviourally (your actions). Becoming aware of these warning signs can help you take control before your anger escalates.
  Physical Signs of Anger.
  Your body often sends the first signals that anger is building. Common physical signs include:
  Racing heart or rapid breathing.
  Tense muscles or clenched fists.
  Flushed face or sweating.
  When you experience any emotion, you usually feel compelled to do something – you experience an urge. When you feel the physical sensations relating to anger in your body, as your body is prepared for action, you might feel compelled to move towards the thing, thought, or person making you angry.
  Urge to move toward your anger.
  Suppose you are at home alone and thinking about something making you feel angry. In that case, you might move toward anger by engaging more in your thought processes, and going over different scenarios, while all the time, your anger increases.
  If you are angry at someone, you might feel the urge to move closer to them and raise your voice.
  Move away
  The emotion of anger can also make you feel the urge to move away from whatever makes you angry. This can help you understand if people often accuse you of walking out or getting offside if heated discussions occur.
  Common urges experienced during anger include:shouting, taking faster and over the top of someone, seeking revenge, urges of aggression prove the other person wrong drive or walk faster
  Learn to identify and address passive-aggressive behaviours that may mask underlying anger in my article on Passive Aggression.
  Quick Tip: Practice deep breathing to calm your body when you notice these signs. Inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four.
  
  Cognitive component.
  The cognitive component is essential to understand as your thoughts cannot only talk up your anger but also calm it down.
  Your thoughts can intensify anger or help diffuse it. Common cognitive patterns include:
  Blaming others: “They’re doing this on purpose.”
  Catastrophizing: “This always happens to me.”
  Rumination: Replaying the situation repeatedly in your mind.
  Quick Tip: Challenge your thoughts by asking, “What evidence do I have for this? Could there be another explanation?” You can learn more about the role of your thoughts in my article on CBT for Anger.
  Behavioural component
  I find it easier to think of the behavioural component of anger as having an action. You are doing something. When you are angry, you are communicating. The problem may not be with the emotion of anger but how you share what you are feeling.
  Common behaviours include:
  Raising your voice or yelling.
  Slamming doors or throwing objects.
  Walking away abruptly or withdrawing.
  Quick Tip: If you feel the urge to lash out, step away from the situation and take a few moments to reflect before responding.
  Checklist: Recognise Your Early Warning Signs
  Review the list below and see if any of these signs feel familiar. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to taking control of your anger.
  Physical Signs
   Racing heart
   Clenched fists
   Tense muscles
   Flushed face or sweating
  Cognitive Signs
   Thoughts like “This isn’t fair” or “They’re wrong”
   Blaming others or yourself
   Replaying the situation in your head (rumination)
  Behavioural Signs
   Yelling or raising your voice
   Slamming doors or pacing
   Withdrawing from conversations
  
  
• Root causes: Sometimes anger is a surface emotion for deeper feelings like hurt, fear, or grief. For example, if someone criticizes your work, you might feel hurt or insecure – but it comes out as snapping in anger. Past experiences can play a big role. Many Irish people grow up learning to bottle up emotions – “don’t mind him”, “just get on with it” – which can lead to suppressed anger. Trauma or abuse in childhood, being bullied, or living with a very angry parent can also wire your brain to react with anger as self-protection. (In fact, the Irish Association of Anger Management notes that in our culture, anger is often seen as “dangerous and destructive”, so we push it down – only to have it explode later)
• Types of anger: Psychologists sometimes categorize anger into types. You might recognize yourself in one of these:
  • Open aggression: explosive, outward expression – shouting, hitting, etc. (the stereotypical “hot temper”).
  • Passive aggression: anger that’s hidden behind a smile or sarcasm – saying “I’m fine” but acting out indirectly.
  • Assertive anger: a healthier type – expressing anger in a clear, respectful way and then letting it go. This is the style we aim for in anger management techniques.
    There are other ways to frame anger types too, like “exploders” vs. “imploders”. Exploders react immediately and intensely. Imploders stifle anger until they eventually blow up. Neither extreme is healthy; the goal is finding balance.

By reflecting on your triggers, past causes, and anger style, you have already started to break the anger cycle by approaching anger with a clinical eye, rather than it taking over you.

Impact of Unmanaged Anger

Uncontrolled anger can impact every aspect of your life. Physically, living in a constant state of anger or tension keeps your body’s stress response activated. Over time this can contribute to health problems – high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, tension headaches, poor sleep, even increased risk of heart disease. You might notice when you’re angry a lot, you’re also exhausted a lot; it’s draining to be in fight-or-flight mode all the time.

Emotionally and mentally, anger and anxiety often feed each other. Many people with anger issues also experience underlying anxiety or depression (sometimes called “masked depression” when irritability is the main symptom). It can become a vicious cycle: you feel low or stressed, you have a shorter fuse, you lash out, then you feel guilty and even more stressed. (We have a dedicated article on the anxiety–anger connection if you want to explore that link.) Unmanaged anger can also lead to feelings of isolation – friends or colleagues might start avoiding you, which hurts your mood and self-esteem further.

Perhaps the most heartbreaking impact is on relationships. Anger can erode trust and emotional safety. A single hurtful outburst – like yelling something cruel at your spouse or frightening your kids with your rage – can leave scars. Over time, family members might feel like they’re “walking on eggshells” around you. Marriages under the strain of unchecked anger often suffer from poor communication and intimacy. (If you’re concerned about anger in your relationship, see our guide on anger in relationships for tips specific to couples.)

Work and social life can suffer too. You might have gotten into fights at the pub, or maybe you’ve received warnings at your job. You might even avoid social situations for fear of “losing it.” Uncontrolled anger, especially in the age of video cameras everywhere, can also lead to legal issues if things get out of hand (assault charges, etc.).

A Quick Example

To illustrate, let’s consider a quick story (names changed for privacy): John, a 45-year-old from Galway, had always considered himself a “hothead.” One evening, another driver cut him off in traffic on the Dublin Road. John’s reaction was to chase the car, blaring his horn and yelling. By the time he got home, he was still fuming – and ended up shouting at his wife over a minor issue. Their young son, frightened by Dad’s rage, burst into tears. That was John’s wake-up call. “I realized my anger was hurting the people I love,” he later said. John reached out for help, and with therapy he learned to recognize his stress triggers (work pressures and the commute), practise de-escalation techniques, and communicate better with his family. Today, John still feels anger sometimes – but it no longer runs the show.

The point: Even if your story is different, change is possible. Next, we’ll look at some techniques you can start using right away to manage anger, just like John did.

How to Manage Anger

The first things is to notice when anger is starting to rise (as once you have lost your temper, it is harder to control) – your heart beats faster, your face is probably red and hot, your mind starts racing – that’s the moment to catch it and defuse it early. Here are some quick, research-backed techniques to help you gain some control:

• Take a breath: It sounds almost cliché, but deep breathing truly helps reset your nervous system. When anger hits, you need something to interrupt that cycle before you experience the impulse to react. Count to 10 (or 100 if you’re really mad!)while taking slow, deep breaths. Inhale through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Just doing this can lower your heart rate and give you a few seconds to think clearly rather than lashing out. (Pro tip: The HSE recommends even just “leaving the room” for a breather. Excuse yourself to the bathroom or step outside – physical distance can bring emotional distance.)
• Ground yourself: When anger floods you, you might feel almost out of control or disconnected from rational thought. Grounding techniques pull you back. For example, try the 5-4-3-2-1 method – name 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 sounds you hear, 2 scents you smell, and take 1 slow breath. It forces your brain into the present moment and out of the angry whirlwind.
• Use a calming phrase: Have a phrase ready to silently tell yourself, like “Take it easy,” or “I’m okay, just breathe.” Repeating a calming mantra can counter the angry thoughts (“This is unfair! I can’t stand this!”) that amplify rage. It engages your thinking brain.
• Physical release (but in a safe way): Anger builds up a lot of physical energy – your body is primed to fight or flight, and it really helps to release all this energy. Even though this might sound silly: do a quick exercise like 10 push-ups or run in place., whatever works for you, but do something safe to burn off the energy. You’d be surprised how much a short burst of activity (even a brisk walk around the block) can reduce that adrenaline-fueled tension. The goal is to express the anger without hurting anyone or anything.
• Engage your thinking brain: Anger tends to shut down our logical brain and let the emotional brain take over. One trick: try doing a quick math problem in your head, or naming all your cousins, or anything that forces you to think. This can tap the brakes on the emotional reaction. You’ve probably said or heard the phrase “I just can’t think straight” — and it’s true. When strong emotion floods your system, blood flow and neural activity shift toward the limbic areas of the brain, making it literally harder to think clearly or weigh up consequences. That’s why even simple “thinking tasks” — like doing a quick sum or naming your cousins — can help. They nudge activity back to the prefrontal cortex and tap the brakes on the emotional reaction.
  
  Another “thinking” strategy is reframing – basically, talk back to your angry thoughts. If your mind is shouting “This is terrible, everything’s ruined!” you might consciously reframe: “Okay, I’m upset, but maybe it’s not the end of the world. Let me stay calm and see.” This is a mini CBT technique you can apply on the fly. (If you’d like to understand more about how the “thinking brain” regulates emotion, see Retrain Your Brain for Anxiety) — it explains how this same pathway helps calm anger, stress, and worry.
• Remove yourself if needed: If possible, take a timeout. Politely (or as calmly as you can) disengage from the situation that’s provoking you. For example, if a meeting at work is getting heated, ask for a short break; if you’re arguing with your partner and feel yourself nearing the boiling point, step into another room and say you need a few minutes. It’s far better to pause an argument and return to it later than to say or do things you’ll regret. Using de-escalation techniques might feel awkward at first, but a brief cool-down period can prevent an explosive scenario.

Each of these techniques is like a tool for your “anger emergency kit.” Not every tool will fit every situation – sometimes you may need a combination (e.g. step away and do breathing exercises). The key is to practice them when you’re notsuper angry too, so they become second nature. Also, remember that calming down doesn’t mean ignoring the problem; it just means you’ll handle it from a clearer state of mind.

Long-Term Anger Management – Building Your Personal Plan

Quick fixes are great in the moment, but to really get a handle on anger, you’ll want to create a longer-term strategy for yourself. Here is how to make a start.

1. Awareness – you need to know when you are angry: Sounds obvious, but to start you have to record every time you are angry, as many people are not aware how often they get angry or what made them angry in the first place. Use the following examples to get started.
   
   What was happening?
   Who were you with?
   How intense was your anger (scale 1–10)?
   How did you respond?
   
   This can be an eye-opening exercise. You might notice, for instance, that your anger is often a 2 out of 10 during the day but shoots to 8/10 in the evening when you’re tired and your kids are pushing your buttons. Patterns will emerge – maybe specific triggers like running late or discussing finances are common. Awareness alone can sometimes reduce the frequency of anger outbursts, because you can begin to anticipate and mitigate triggers (e.g. if evenings are hard, build in a destressing walk right after work).
2. Healthy outlets: Make a list of activities that help you vent or channel anger safely. Exercise is an obvious choice (join a class or go for a run, park run is great if you are new to it). The idea is to give anger an outlet so it doesn’t stay bottled up or explode at the wrong time. Whatever you choose, make it work like this – “when I feel anger at home, take 5 min to do (whatever you chose before hand ) before acting on my anger.”
3. Communication and problem-solving: A lot of lingering anger comes from unresolved issues or needs. Part of your plan can be improving communication skills. For instance, if something is bothering you, plan a calm conversation to address it rather than letting resentment build. Our communication exercises for couples resource can be very helpful if anger is affecting your relationship. If work situations spark your anger, consider talking to a manager or mentor about changes, rather than stewing until you snap. Problem-solving in a proactive way will reduce triggers over time.
4. Relaxation routine: Stress is a huge fuel for anger. Incorporate daily relaxation into your plan – whatever works for you. It might be 10 minutes of meditation in the morning, listening to music, or practicing mindfulness in the evening. Some people in Ireland like to use the simple practice of having a quiet cup of tea and consciously relaxing during it – it sounds basic, but rituals can be powerful signals to your brain. Regularly lowering your overall stress makes you less primed to anger.
5. Set goals and rewards: It might sound odd, but set small anger management goals and reward yourself. For example, a goal might be “Handle it calmly when a driver cuts me off.” Each time you succeed (no horn, no cursing – maybe just a deep breath and carry on), acknowledge it! Maybe treat yourself at the end of a week with no outbursts – watch that movie you’ve been meaning to, or enjoy a nice takeaway. Positive reinforcement helps; you’re training your brain that staying calm has benefits.

Having a plan really helps and it interrupts the automatic cycle of anger, which is what you want to break. Tip: We’ve prepared a handy Personal Anger Plan PDF that you can download – it’s like a template to fill in your triggers, coping strategies, and support contacts.

Remember, an anger management plan isn’t about never feeling angry (that’s unrealistic – and anger isn’t “bad” in itself). It’s about handling anger in a healthier way. Over time, following your plan can reduce the intensity and frequency of anger episodes, and improve your confidence that “I’ve got this.”

Therapy for Anger Management – What Are Your Options?

Sometimes self-help strategies aren’t enough on their own – and that’s okay. If your anger is persistent, severe, or causing serious issues in your life, talking to a professional can make a world of difference. In fact, seeking help is a strong, positive step. Let’s look at the therapy options available and how they work, so you can decide what might suit you:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) –

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), as recognised by the NICE Guidelines and American Psychological Association, focuses on changing negative thinking patterns that fuel anger. CBT helps you identify the thought patterns that drive your anger and teaches you to change them. For example, imagine you often think “People are doing this on purpose to annoy me!” – that thought will trigger instant rage. CBT would help you challenge that: is it true? Are there other explanations? By changing “hot thoughts” into more balanced ones, your emotional response can become less intense. CBT also teaches concrete skills: how to pause before reacting, how to express frustration in a healthier way, and how to solve problems rather than stewing on them. Many people I see in Dublin for anger issues are surprised at how quickly CBT tools can be learned – sometimes within a few sessions you notice “I’m not reacting as automatically as before.” If you’re interested in learning more about CBT-specific techniques for anger, our CBT for Anger page goes into more detail.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Step 1. Any time you notice even the slightest annoyance, stop and ask yourself what are the thoughts in your head. For example, if your friend walks past you in the street with another friend and does not acknowledge you, you might think “oh she thinks she’s too good for me now.” Write that thought down.

Step 2. Pretend I was beside you and asking you what evidence do you have for that thought, can you prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that your friend thought she was too good for you?

Step 3. What’s an alternative, more rational explanation. “She simply did not see me.”

Do you see how the rational thought results in less anger? 

Cognitive restructuring

Cognitive restructuring, often used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), involves challenging and reframing negative thought patterns. For example, instead of thinking, “This always happens to me,” you might reframe it to, “This is a challenging situation, but I can handle it.” Instead of thinking, “My boss is always picking on me,” a person might reframe it as, “My boss seems stressed lately, and their tone might reflect that.”

Behavioural component

I find it easier to think of the behavioural component of anger as having an action. You are doing something. When you are angry, you are communicating. The problem may not be with the emotion of anger but how you share what you are feeling.

Behavioural communication involves

• how you speak, your tone, your choice of words,
• how you are using your body, your body language

Discover how Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) can provide effective tools for managing emotions and reducing anger. DBT for Anger

The behavioural element of CBT is very much about doing and changing, for example, you will taught or given homework to complete, such as 

• Deep breathing: Simple deep-breathing exercises can help calm your mind and body. A simple technique is to inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. This can be done anywhere, even in a stressful situation.
• Exercise: Physical activity can reduce stress and improve mood.
• Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce the intensity of your anger.
• Communication: Learning to express your feelings assertively using “I” statements can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflict. For example, you could say, “I feel frustrated when my efforts aren’t recognized,” rather than blaming others.
• Forgiveness: Holding onto grudges can fuel anger. Practising forgiveness can free you from this burden.
• Humour: Using humour appropriately can help diffuse tension and shift your perspective.Watching a funny video or telling a joke can help shift focus and reduce anger.
• Environment changes: Modifying your environment to reduce exposure to triggers can help prevent anger episodes.

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) –

DBT is a cousin of CBT, originally developed to help people with intense emotions and self-destructive behaviours. It’s been adapted to treat anger, especially when anger is linked to past trauma or when it coexists with other conditions (like borderline personality traits). DBT places a big emphasis on mindfulness(being aware of your feelings without acting on them) and distress tolerance (getting through intense emotion without making things worse). A classic DBT skill that helps with anger is the “TIP” skill (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing) – essentially, strategies to physically calm your system when you’re in crisis. DBT also teaches interpersonal skills – how to ask for what you need or set boundaries without an angry confrontation. If you find your anger goes from 0 to 100 very fast, or you feel regrets after an episode, DBT skills could be very useful. We have a DBT for Anger article where you can learn more about those techniques.

Other Approaches (ACT, Narrative & More) –

Beyond CBT and DBT, there are several other therapeutic approaches that can help with anger:

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Rather than trying to eliminate anger, ACT teaches you to accept feelings (yes, even the uncomfortable ones) and commit to actions aligned with your values. For anger, this might mean learning mindfulness techniques to observe anger without immediately reacting, and focusing on what matters (e.g. “Being a patient parent is a value of mine, so I will allow this anger to rise and fall without yelling”). ACT often resonates with people who’ve tried to “fight” their anger and failed – it offers a new mindset. I often integrate ACT principles in anger coaching. (See ACT for Anger for a closer look at this method.)
• Narrative Therapy: This is a bit different – it involves examining the “story” you tell yourself about anger. Perhaps you believe “I’m just an angry person, it’s who I am.” Narrative therapy would encourage you to rewrite that narrative: maybe anger is something that happens to you sometimes, but not your identity. It separates the anger from the person. Over time, this can be empowering. For example, one might develop a narrative like “I’ve overcome anger challenges in the past and I’m learning to handle anger in healthy ways now.” (We have an article on Narrative Therapy for Anger that explains this in approachable terms.)
• Compassion-Focused Therapy: Anger, especially when it comes with shame or guilt, can be softened by building self-compassion. Some of us are far harsher on ourselves (and thus on others) than we realize. Learning to treat yourself with kindness can reduce that boiling inner critical voice that often underlies reactive anger. Using compassion to let go of anger is a technique where you practice understanding and forgiving – both yourself and others – which can be extremely freeing. It doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior; it just means not carrying toxic anger around long-term. (Our Compassion & Letting Go of Anger page has exercises on this.)

What about anger management classes or group programmes? In Ireland, you might find structured anger management courses – some are one-day workshops, others run weekly for a number of weeks. These often incorporate CBT techniques and peer support. For instance, the NHS describes typical programmes that involve both one-to-one counselling and small group worknhs.uk. Here in Ireland, organisations like IaAM run intensive weekend programmes (“Temper Your Anger”) that explore triggers and practice coping skills in a group setting. Group courses can be powerful because you realize you’re not the only one struggling – plus you learn from others’ experiences. They can also be a lower-cost option than private therapy. On the MyTherapist site, we maintain a list of anger management courses in Ireland, including free options, so feel free to explore that if a course interests you.

Finding the right therapist: If you decide to go the one-on-one therapy route, look for a therapist who has experience with anger issues. This might be a psychologist (like myself), a cognitive-behavioural therapist, or another qualified counsellor. The Finding a Therapist for Anger Management page on our site offers tips on what to ask (e.g. do they use CBT? Can they help with any underlying issues like trauma or ADHD that might be feeding the anger?). In Ireland, you can ask your GP for a referral or use directories (like the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) to find registered professionals. The main thing is you should feel safe and not judged by your therapist – anger can come with embarrassment, but a good therapist has heard it all and will focus on helping you move forward.

Anger in Different Situations

One thing I want every reader to know is that you’re not the only one dealing with this. Anger issues cross all walks of life. Let’s talk about some specific situations and groups. You may see yourself in one (or several) of these – and we have more in depth for each, which I’ll point you to:

Anger in Relationships –

Romantic relationships and close family relationships often catch the worst of our anger. It’s common for someone to hold it together all day at work, then explode at home with their partner over something minor. Unfortunately, our loved ones become easy targets because we feel “safer” to vent around them. If your partner has anger issues – or if you find yourself constantly fighting with your spouse – know that these patterns can be changed. It involves learning better communication and conflict resolution. For instance, using “I” statements instead of “you” blame, or scheduling calm times to talk about recurring issues before they trigger an outburst. We have an entire guide on anger in relationships that offers strategies and even some communication exercises for couples to rebuild understanding. And if you are on the receiving end of a partner’s anger, check out our advice on supporting a partner with anger issues– it’s important to set boundaries and perhaps encourage them to seek help. (Side note: if anger has escalated to any form of abuse, prioritize safety – contact services like Women’s Aid or Men’s Aid, as applicable.)

Parenting and Anger –

Parenting can be joyful, but let’s be real, it can also be infuriating at times. Irish parents often confess to me that they’ve yelled at their children and feel terribly guilty. If you’re a parent struggling with anger, first, give yourself some compassion – parenting is hard, and you likely never learned how to cope with those intense moments. The key is to repair when you slip up (apologize and talk to your child) and to find ways to manage stress daily. Sometimes parental anger is a sign you need more support or a break – it really “takes a village.” On the flip side, you might have a child or teenager with anger issues – perhaps frequent tantrums, meltdowns or even aggression. In that case, learning specific parenting approaches can help (for example, emotion coaching techniques, setting consistent limits). We’ve created Ireland-specific guides for anger management for children and anger management for teenagers to help parents navigate these challenges. Remember, reaching out to parenting courses or family counselling (many are available through the HSE or local family centres) is a strength, not a weakness.

Anger at Work –

The workplace can be a powder keg for anger: high stress, personality clashes, unfair treatment – you name it. Yet it’s also a place where an outburst can be especially costly (you could lose your job or professional reputation). If you find work triggers your anger, consider some preventative strategies. For example, if meetings make you heated, practice active listening and pausing before responding. If a colleague constantly provokes you, it might help to have a mediated conversation with a supervisor or HR before it boils over. Some companies in Ireland are bringing in anger management in the workplace trainings – if yours doesn’t, you could suggest it (perhaps frame it as general stress management). Check out our Anger in the Workplace article for more on handling professional situations. And if you do slip at work (e.g. shout in frustration), try to repair it: apologize where appropriate and demonstrate you’re taking steps to manage your stress better (people respect when you own your mistakes and work to improve).

Gender and Anger –

Culturally, we often view male anger and female anger differently. “Angry young men” are almost expected, whereas women are often discouraged from showing anger (labelled as “hysterical” or told to calm down). These stereotypes can affect how we experience anger. Anger in men sometimes gets externalized – maybe you punch a wall or get into fights – because that’s what society has modeled as an acceptable outlet for male frustration (think of all those depictions of the brooding, angry man). On the other hand, many women internalize anger, which can contribute to depression or anxiety, or it might surface indirectly (simmering resentments). There’s also a physiological angle: hormonal fluctuations can influence mood. Some women notice spikes in irritability around PMS or perimenopause – it’s not “just in your head.” For example, during perimenopause (the years leading to menopause), dropping oestrogen levels can make mood swings and anger worse. Our page on Women, Anger & Hormones delves into this, offering tips like tracking cycles and using strategies specific to those times. Whether you’re a man or woman, it’s worth reflecting on how gender norms may have shaped your expression of anger. Breaking out of those boxes – e.g. giving men permission to talk about feelings, or telling women it’s okay to assert themselves – can be very healing.

Anger and Trauma / Mental Health –

Sometimes, rage is rooted in trauma. If you have a history of physical or emotional trauma (like abuse, or experiences from conflict or an accident), your nervous system might be on high alert, and anger can be a defense mechanism. In these cases, trauma-focused therapy (like EMDR or trauma-informed CBT) can help process those underlying issues, which often significantly reduces anger responses. Another angle: conditions like ADHD or other neurodiversities can lower one’s impulse control and frustration tolerance. What seems like “random anger” to others might be a neurodivergent person’s quick trigger due to sensory overload or executive functioning stress. It’s worth reading our Anger, Rage & Trauma piece if you suspect deeper roots, or Anger Management and ADHD if that resonates. The bottom line: if anger is tied to another issue, treating that issue (healing trauma, getting ADHD support, treating substance abuse, etc.) will likely be key to resolving the anger.

Reading through these scenarios, hopefully you see that anger issues are common and varied. You’re really not alone – and importantly, people do overcome these challenges, every day, with the right help and strategies.

Free and Affordable Anger Resources in Ireland

Working on anger doesn’t always require a big budget. In Ireland, we’re fortunate to have a range of free or low-cost resources if you know where to look:

• Your GP and primary care: Your first port of call can be your GP. GPs can often refer you to HSE-affiliated counselling services or local anger management programmes that might be available for free or a nominal fee. While Ireland’s public mental health resources are stretched, don’t hesitate to ask – you might be surprised by what’s available. For example, some Primary Care Centres have psychologists or mental health nurses who run short anger/stress management groups.
• Online self-help programs: There are free online courses, such as the one on Alison (a global free learning platform founded in Ireland). The Alison Anger Management and Conflict Resolution course is CPD-certified and can be done at your own pace – it covers strategies to manage anger and resolve conflicts constructively Completing a course like that can give you new insights and techniques at no cost (except maybe printing a certificate if you choose). We list this and other free anger management resources in Ireland on our site – including PDF workbooks (like the NHS’s “Controlling Anger” workbook), mental health apps, and recommended readings.
• Charities and support groups: Charities such as AWARE (for depression/anxiety, often overlapping with anger), Samaritans (for anyone in distress), or Grow (community mental health groups) provide free support. While they may not have anger-specific groups, they help with underlying issues that feed anger. There’s also Mental Health Ireland which sometimes runs community workshops. Turn2Me.ie offers free online support groups, and interestingly HSE highlights them for anger support (they offer up to 6 free counselling sessions on certain issues) If relationship anger is the issue, Relationships Ireland or local family resource centres offer sliding-scale counselling.
• Libraries and online info: Don’t underestimate the power of a good book or article. Public libraries (physical or e-libraries) have anger management workbooks you can borrow. Websites like the HSE’s Mental Wellbeing page or Mind (UK) have excellent guides – for instance, Mind’s “Coping with anger” and “Tips for long-term anger management” are freely accessible We’ve compiled many of these links in our free resources page for convenience.
  Trusted websites such as American Psychological Society and HelpGuide

Take the Next Step – Getting Support

The next step is – making a start.

When to seek professional help for Anger

Your GP might have suggested meeting with a therapist for anger management. If anger is affecting your health, relationships, or quality of life, professional counselling can help. With over 20 years of experience as a psychologist, I provide anger management counselling in Dublin and online across Ireland and the UK. Together, we can break down the patterns fueling your anger and develop practical, long-term strategies for change.

Can be something small, as long as you start.

Online Anger Management for Ireland and UK

If you are outside of Dublin, or face to face does not suit you, we can arrange online sessions. This also applies to the UK. I did all my professional training in the UK, and am happy to offer online anger management for those of you in the UK that wish to work with me. After living and working in Surrey and London for many years I appreciate the need for more flexibility around therapy, in terms of time, location and convenience.

Self -Help Anger Management Course

If anger is impacting your life, my online anger management course offers a proven path to regain control. Combining Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), and mindfulness, this self-paced course gives you the tools to manage emotions effectively—anytime, anywhere.

What Makes This Course Different?

• CBT strategies: Learn to identify and reframe negative thoughts that fuel your anger.
• DBT techniques: Master skills for emotional regulation and calming intense feelings.
• Mindfulness exercises: Reduce stress and stay present in challenging situations.
• Comprehensive resources: Worksheets, exercises, and guided videos included.

What Participants Are Saying About the Course

Join the hundreds of people who’ve taken control of their anger with this self-paced course, designed by Dr Elaine Ryan.

Key Feedback from Participants:

• 98% said they felt more in control of their anger after completing the course.
• 100% reported a deeper understanding of how anger works and how to manage it.
• 97% would recommend the course to a friend or family member.
  
  

FAQ’s