Understanding and getting help for anger problems.
As a doctor of psychology, I have had the privilege of working with all kinds of people, helping them understand and manage their anger. Anger is a natural, healthy emotion when expressed appropriately, but it becomes problematic when it leads to harmful behaviours such as shouting and aggression. If you have been looking at anger management, I shall explain it in this article.
Table of contents
Understanding anger.
The Nature and Experience of Anger
Anger is a natural emotion that tells us something is not quite right. People tend to see it as a destructive emotion, but it is perfectly normal and instrumental in certain situations. For example, anger motivates you to address injustice or get away from something or someone that will harm you, or as APA noted anger can help you find solutions to problems. However, some of us have trouble expressing anger and need particular help when our relationships, careers, or health are damaged because of out-of-control anger or because we lack the skills to express how we are feeling.
How Anger Works
Anger is a complex emotion involving quite elaborate interactions between our thoughts, bodies, and behaviours, which I shall outline below.
- Physiological Response: When confronted with a perceived threat, our bodies activate the fight-or-flight response. Adrenaline and cortisol levels surge, preparing us for action. Heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, and muscles tense. These physical changes contribute to the intensity of the anger experience.
- Cognitive Component: Our thoughts and interpretations of events are crucial in determining the strength of our anger response. Negative or distorted thinking patterns can amplify feelings of anger. For instance, ruminating on past grievances or assuming malicious intent can intensify emotional arousal.
- Behavioural Expression: Anger manifests in various ways, including verbal outbursts, physical aggression, passive-aggressive behaviour, or withdrawal. These actions are influenced by both our personality and the specific situation.
Understanding how the above components work and interact together is the first part in learning how to get more control over your anger. Once you can recognize the physical sensations, as opposed to being swept away by them, challenge negative thoughts, and can exercise choice over what you do (your behaviour), you effectively are learning how to manage anger. Hopefully you are beginning to see that managing your anger is a lot more complicated than ‘counting to ten’ or ‘taking time out!’ But that is precisely where psychologists come in. Psychology is the study of the brain, emotions and behaviours, and a good psychologist will help you understand what is happening each time you feel angry, or rather, feel that you are not in control of your anger.
Retrain Your Brain® Anger Management
Dr Ryan’s online self-help course for anger
The impact of anger.
If you have difficulty controlling anger, this emotion, when out of control can not only damage your physical and mental health, but it can also affect or result in the loss of your relationship, your job, and I shall discuss some of the consequences before talking about how to get a handle on your anger.
Physical Health Consequences
Chronic anger can take a toll on our bodies, increasing the risk of various health problems.
- Cardiovascular Disease: Elevated heart rate and blood pressure associated with anger can strain the heart,leading to an increased risk of heart attacks and strokes.
- Digestive Issues: Anger can disrupt the digestive system, contributing to problems like ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome.
- Weakened Immune System: Prolonged anger can impair the body’s ability to fight off infections, making individuals more susceptible to illness.
Mental Health Challenges
- Insomnia: Experiencing anger can interfere with your sleep. If you think about it, if your heart is pounding, and you are getting a stress response, your body will be too alert to sleep.
- Reduced Quality of Life: Feeling angry regularly can affect the enjoyment you get out of life, as your relationships probably have suffered
Relationship Difficulties
Difficulty in relationships, whether professional or personal are one of the top reasons people come to see me for anger issues.
Understanding the full extent of anger’s impact is crucial for motivating individuals to seek help and implement effective management strategies. By recognizing the potential consequences, people can be more proactive in addressing their anger issues.
The video is taken from my online course on anger
Sources of anger.
There are many reasons you can feel angry and most of these will come out in the wash when you undertake anger management, but to give you an idea of were anger can arise I shall list some common sources below.
Childhood experiences and family dynamics: Our upbringing significantly shapes how we handle anger. Factors such as family dynamics, societal pressures, and personal experiences can all contribute to our anger responses.. Growing up in a household with frequent arguments or physical aggression can lead to difficulties managing anger in adulthood, as the person may have normalised anger and not shown any other way to express discomfort.
Underlying health issues: Conditions like depression, trauma, or chronic stress can lower frustration tolerance, making anger more likely.
Low frustration tolerance: Difficulty managing stress and frustration can lead to frequent angry outbursts . A person with a perfectionist personality might become easily angered when things don’t go according to plan.
Anger triggers are specific situations, people, or thoughts that provoke anger. By identifying these triggers, individuals can develop strategies to manage their anger more effectively.
Anger Management: Getting Started
Self-Awareness
The first step in managing anger is self-awareness. Many people with anger problems are in desperate need of help but do not recognise the problem in themselves. This article can help you recognise if anger is a problem for you. They may blame their anger on other people, outright deny what is happening, or they really might just not see the problem. The person could have been raised in a home where anger was normal, and they have normalised their behaviour. Hence, this first step in managing anger is recognising that you have a problem.
If you think this might be you, I shall briefly outline the different ways that people can show their anger, which may not be acceptable or healthy for other people.
Common anger styles:
- Explosive: Individuals with this style tend to erupt quickly and intensely.
- Passive-Aggressive: They express anger indirectly through sarcasm, procrastination, or stubbornness. You can read more on passive aggression here.
- Chronic Complainer: These individuals often express dissatisfaction and blame others for their problems.
- Self-Pitying: This style involves focusing on one’s own misfortunes and blaming others for their difficulties.
How to deal with anger
If you have decided or been told by others that you have a problem with anger, it can feel like you have little control over lashing out at others. Anger, like all emotions, can be broken down and understood. Once you know what makes up your anger components, you can change.
Counselling and therapy for anger.
Your GP might have suggested meeting with a therapist for anger management. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is what most people think of when they are considering counselling for anger, but there are also several other models that are extremely useful in managing anger; for example, I am also trained in a model of therapy called Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, and parts of this model are excellent for helping with anger issues, teaching you more effective communication skills as well as showing you how to cope better with distress and discomfort. You can read more on DBT here.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy CBT
Cognitive component.
The cognitive component is essential to understand as your thoughts cannot only talk up your anger but also calm it down.
It is helpful to note that all emotional components match what you feel. For example, you probably won’t have uplifting or motivating thoughts if you feel sad. There are typical thinking styles associated with emotions; one to watch out for if you are angry is rumination. Rumination means repeatedly repeating the same thought or scenario in your head, which, unfortunately, with anger, helps intensify the emotion.
Standard thought processes that accompany anger include,
- I hate that person
- The situation or person is wrong.
- Blame- either yourself or others.
- Being prevented from doing what you want.
Cognitive restructuring, often used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), involves challenging and reframing negative thought patterns. For example, instead of thinking, “This always happens to me,” you might reframe it to, “This is a challenging situation, but I can handle it.” Instead of thinking, “My boss is always picking on me,” a person might reframe it as, “My boss seems stressed lately, and their tone might reflect that.”
Behavioural component
I find it easier to think of the behavioural component of anger as having an action. You are doing something. When you are angry, you are communicating. The problem may not be with the emotion of anger but how you share what you are feeling.
Behavioural communication involves
- how you speak, your tone, your choice of words,
- how you are using your body, your body language
The behavioural element of CBT is very much about doing and changing, for example, you will taught or given homework to complete, such as
- Deep breathing: Simple deep-breathing exercises can help calm your mind and body. A simple technique is to inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. This can be done anywhere, even in a stressful situation.
- Exercise: Physical activity can reduce stress and improve mood.
- Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce the intensity of your anger.
- Communication: Learning to express your feelings assertively using “I” statements can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflict. For example, you could say, “I feel frustrated when my efforts aren’t recognized,” rather than blaming others.
- Forgiveness: Holding onto grudges can fuel anger. Practising forgiveness can free you from this burden.
- Humour: Using humour appropriately can help diffuse tension and shift your perspective. Watching a funny video or telling a joke can help shift focus and reduce anger.
- Environment changes: Modifying your environment to reduce exposure to triggers can help prevent anger episodes.
You can read more on how CBT helps with anger in this post.
There are various models of therapy that can help with anger, and the following articles that I have written can explain them in more detail.
Anger management course.
My self-help course helps you understand the different components of the emotion of anger, as outlined above and uses several different therapy models to help you experience emotions in a way that is helpful to you.
Throughout the course, you will be taught what situations make you angry and how to respond differently. You shall get the same information in my course that you would get from me in individual sessions.
I hope that by offering a course for anger management, you will solve your problem without any expensive therapy fees!
If you have been looking online for anger management, I will start by saying it is not about managing the emotion, nor is it as simple as ‘taking time out.’
My course will not give tips like ‘count to ten’ as this does not work for most people. Anger is an emotion; if you have severe anger problems, I doubt my telling you to count to ten will do much good; it will probably make you angrier!
If you are looking for tips you can readily find on the internet, this course is not for you.
If you want to understand what is happening in your brain when you are angry and what you need to do to fix it, this course will help.
Seeking Professional Help to manage anger
If you are ready to work with a therapist I appreciate finding someone suitable can seem overwhelming. Rather than go into detail here on what to look for, I have written an article on how to select a suitable therapist who can help you with anger. Regardless on whether you work with me or another therapist, it is important that you begin your search armed with the correct information on what to look for.
Outlook
Anger is just another emotion that can cause havoc and hurt in your life, but it can be broken down into manageable parts that you can work with. And it is by undertaking this type of work that you can learn to not only recognising anger as it is bubbling up, but are able to express what is going on for you without resorting to shouting or losing your temper. This in effect is anger management.
