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Anger is an emotion we all experience. While it’s natural, it can become problematic when it gets out of control. If anger is impacting your life, I’m here to help. Below, you’ll find resources for managing anger, whether you’re looking for counselling, an online course, or practical advice.
Struggling to Manage Anger ?
Anger can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to. Whether you need the guidance of expert counselling or the flexibility of a self-paced course, Dr Elaine Ryan offers solutions designed to help you manage anger effectively.
Ready to take control? Explore your options below.
- Anger Management Counselling in Dublin
- Online Anger Management for Ireland and UK
- Ready to take control? Learn more about my CBT-based Self-Help Anger Management Course, available for just €89.
- Browse Anger Articles
Understanding Anger: The Basics
Anger is a natural human emotion, but it can become problematic when it’s excessive or expressed in unhealthy ways. To effectively manage anger, it’s crucial to understand its underlying mechanisms.
Table of contents
What is Anger and Why does it Matter?
Anger is a natural emotion that tells us something is not quite right. It can range from mild irritation to full-blown rage, but like all emotions, anger is temporary and will die down or escalate, depending on how you respond to the trigger.
While anger can motivate change or self-protection, it can also escalate into unhealthy patterns that harm your relationships, career, and health.
Understanding anger is the first step to managing it. By breaking it down into its components—physical, cognitive, and behavioural—you can begin to regain control.
Anger comprises the following three components.
- Physical – what happens in your body when you experience the emotion
- Cognitive (thoughts) – what thought processes run through your mind during the feeling, and
- Behavioural – what you do and feel you want to do when you experience the emotion.
It is the interplay between these three components that determines whether you have anger issues or not.
Healthy vs Unhealthy Anger: How to Tell the Difference
Not all anger is bad. Healthy anger can drive positive change, but unhealthy anger often leads to regrets and unresolved conflicts. Here’s how to distinguish between the two:
- Healthy Anger:
- Acknowledges frustration without overwhelming your emotions.
- Leads to assertive, constructive action (e.g., calmly discussing your needs).
- Unhealthy Anger:
- Escalates quickly and feels uncontrollable.
- Often results in aggressive behaviours like yelling or passive-aggressive actions.
Recognising these patterns can help you decide when it’s time to seek support or try new techniques.
Breaking the Anger Cycle: 4 Stages You Need to Know
Psychologists, like myself, cringe when we hear people being told to punch and scream into pillows when angry as this does not help the situation, rather it can escalate your anger further. To understand this, we need to take a look at the cycle of anger. The anger cycle consists of the following four stages:
Trigger: A situation, thought, or event sets off your anger.
Example: Someone cutting in front of you in traffic.
Escalation: Physical and emotional signs of anger build.
Example: Heart pounding, clenched fists, or racing thoughts like, “They did that on purpose!”
Crisis: Anger peaks, making rational decisions difficult.
Example: Yelling or acting aggressively.
Recovery: Your body calms down, but guilt or regret may follow.
How to Break the Cycle
- At the Trigger Stage, recognize your warning signs (e.g., increased heart rate) and use a grounding technique like deep breathing.
- During Escalation, pause and redirect your thoughts with calming self-talk (e.g., “I can handle this calmly”).
In my diagram below you can see that there are a few exit routes when you can avoid full-blown anger and hopefully, you can see why punching a pillow only escalates your anger further, as it’s a strong punching action encouraging screaming!
Recognising Your Triggers
Everyone is different, but basically, for you to feel angry, you have to experience a situation or thought as harmful in some way. I find it it helpful to group the things that make you angry into the following categories.
- Things that are unfair or break the rules.
- Things that irritate or annoy you.
- Things that cost you time or money.
Things that are unfair or break rules
You feel angry, not only when a rule is broken, such as laws set down by the government or rules of the road, but also be alert to anger your experience when someone breaks rules you hold.
Rules set by law
Someone not following the rules of the road.
People who make noise after a pre-defined time.
People who break the law.
Rules set by you
You must think about the rules set by you, as these are more likely to provoke an angry response than when someone breaks the rules set by law. There are far too many to list, and many will be unique to you, but I shall give some examples to show you what to look for.People should tidy up after themselves.People should respect my space.People should not question me.Kids should stay out of my garden.People should not make use of my things.
Read about how narrative therapy helps you rewrite the stories that fuel anger and gain a healthier perspective; How Narrative Therapy Helps with Anger
Things that cost you time and money
Examples of things that can make you angry in this category can include,
Someone who is wasting your time.
Not taking care of something that cost money. This could be not taking care of a car, right down to minor things such as not taking care of or appreciating smaller items that cost you money and time to earn it.
Things that irritate or annoy you
Like the other examples above, this list will be unique, but I shall give some examples to get you started.Loud people.Being shouted at.Neighbours not taking care of their property; think untidy front garden.People who eat with their mouths open.Not saying thank you, or excuse me.impolite people
So many of these things can cross categories. You might have an internal rule to be polite, expect the same from others, and be irritated by rudeness.
Someone is coughing, standing close behind you in a queue. This is one of mine!
A stranger standing too close to you.
If you want to express anger without losing your temper or want to feel less wound up all the time, you need to know your triggers before you can start working on them. I divided them into the categories above. It is easier to identify your triggers when you can label or categorise them.
Once you have your list, you can start to look for the early warning signs of anger.
How to Spot the Early Warning Signs of Anger
Recognizing anger before it spirals out of control is the first step to managing it. Anger manifests in three main ways: physically, cognitively (your thoughts), and behaviourally (your actions). Becoming aware of these warning signs can help you take control before your anger escalates.
Physical Signs of Anger.
Your body often sends the first signals that anger is building. Common physical signs include:
- Racing heart or rapid breathing.
- Tense muscles or clenched fists.
- Flushed face or sweating.
When you experience any emotion, you usually feel compelled to do something – you experience an urge. When you feel the physical sensations relating to anger in your body, as your body is prepared for action, you might feel compelled to move towards the thing, thought, or person making you angry.
Urge to move toward your anger.
Suppose you are at home alone and thinking about something making you feel angry. In that case, you might move toward anger by engaging more in your thought processes, and going over different scenarios, while all the time, your anger increases.
If you are angry at someone, you might feel the urge to move closer to them and raise your voice.
Move away
The emotion of anger can also make you feel the urge to move away from whatever makes you angry. This can help you understand if people often accuse you of walking out or getting offside if heated discussions occur.
Common urges experienced during anger include:shouting, taking faster and over the top of someone, seeking revenge, urges of aggression prove the other person wrong drive or walk faster
Learn to identify and address passive-aggressive behaviours that may mask underlying anger in my article on Passive Aggression.
Quick Tip: Practice deep breathing to calm your body when you notice these signs. Inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four.
Cognitive component.
The cognitive component is essential to understand as your thoughts cannot only talk up your anger but also calm it down.
Your thoughts can intensify anger or help diffuse it. Common cognitive patterns include:
- Blaming others: “They’re doing this on purpose.”
- Catastrophizing: “This always happens to me.”
- Rumination: Replaying the situation repeatedly in your mind.
Quick Tip: Challenge your thoughts by asking, “What evidence do I have for this? Could there be another explanation?” You can learn more about the role of your thoughts in my article on CBT for Anger.
Behavioural component
I find it easier to think of the behavioural component of anger as having an action. You are doing something. When you are angry, you are communicating. The problem may not be with the emotion of anger but how you share what you are feeling.
Common behaviours include:
- Raising your voice or yelling.
- Slamming doors or throwing objects.
- Walking away abruptly or withdrawing.
Quick Tip: If you feel the urge to lash out, step away from the situation and take a few moments to reflect before responding.
Checklist: Recognise Your Early Warning Signs
Review the list below and see if any of these signs feel familiar. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to taking control of your anger.
Physical Signs
Racing heart
Clenched fists
Tense muscles
Flushed face or sweating
Cognitive Signs
Thoughts like “This isn’t fair” or “They’re wrong”
Blaming others or yourself
Replaying the situation in your head (rumination)
Behavioural Signs
Yelling or raising your voice
Slamming doors or pacing
Withdrawing from conversations
What Next?
Struggling to Manage Anger ?
If these signs feel familiar, it’s time to take action. My Self-Help Anger Management Course is designed to help you understand and manage these patterns effectively.
I think I have anger issues, what next?
If you recognize these signs in your life, it’s important to seek help. Anger is a learned behaviour, and with the right tools and support, you can learn to manage it effectively.Is anger affecting your life?
When your anger is out of control it can affect all aspects of your life including your relationships with others, your work and even your physical health. If this is happening to you, it is probably time to seek professional help as uncontrolled anger can lead to:
Physical Health Problems:
- Cardiovascular disease
- Digestive problems
- Weakened immune system
- Insomnia
Reputable health organisations like the Mayo Clinic and Harvard Health provide more information on how anger can affect your body and offer guidance on coping strategies
Mental Health Challenges:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Stress
Relationship Difficulties:
- Conflict with friends and family
- Difficulty maintaining relationships
- Problems at work
If you recognise that you have anger issues, remember it is an emotion and like any other emotion you can be taught to manage it. Dr Elaine Ryan
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), as recognised by the NICE Guidelines and American Psychological Association, focuses on changing negative thinking patterns that fuel anger. By challenging and reframing these thoughts, you can reduce emotional intensity and learn to respond in healthier ways.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
Step 1. Any time you notice even the slightest annoyance, stop and ask yourself what are the thoughts in your head. For example, if your friend walks past you in the street with another friend and does not acknowledge you, you might think “oh she thinks she’s too good for me now.” Write that thought down.
Step 2. Pretend I was beside you and asking you what evidence do you have for that thought, can you prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that your friend thought she was too good for you?
Step 3. What’s an alternative, more rational explanation. “She simply did not see me.”
Do you see how the rational thought results in less anger?
Cognitive restructuring
Cognitive restructuring, often used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), involves challenging and reframing negative thought patterns. For example, instead of thinking, “This always happens to me,” you might reframe it to, “This is a challenging situation, but I can handle it.” Instead of thinking, “My boss is always picking on me,” a person might reframe it as, “My boss seems stressed lately, and their tone might reflect that.”
Behavioural component
I find it easier to think of the behavioural component of anger as having an action. You are doing something. When you are angry, you are communicating. The problem may not be with the emotion of anger but how you share what you are feeling.
Behavioural communication involves
- how you speak, your tone, your choice of words,
- how you are using your body, your body language
Discover how Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) can provide effective tools for managing emotions and reducing anger. DBT for Anger
The behavioural element of CBT is very much about doing and changing, for example, you will taught or given homework to complete, such as
- Deep breathing: Simple deep-breathing exercises can help calm your mind and body. A simple technique is to inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. This can be done anywhere, even in a stressful situation.
- Exercise: Physical activity can reduce stress and improve mood.
- Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce the intensity of your anger.
- Communication: Learning to express your feelings assertively using “I” statements can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflict. For example, you could say, “I feel frustrated when my efforts aren’t recognized,” rather than blaming others.
- Forgiveness: Holding onto grudges can fuel anger. Practising forgiveness can free you from this burden.
- Humour: Using humour appropriately can help diffuse tension and shift your perspective.Watching a funny video or telling a joke can help shift focus and reduce anger.
- Environment changes: Modifying your environment to reduce exposure to triggers can help prevent anger episodes.
Learn how Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help you reframe negative thought patterns and manage anger more effectively; CBT for Anger
Anger Management Counselling with Dr Elaine Ryan
Anger can significantly impact your health, relationships, and overall quality of life, but professional counselling can help. With over 20 years of experience as a psychologist, I offer anger management counselling both in-person in Dublin and online across Ireland and the UK. Together, we’ll work to break the patterns fueling your anger and develop practical strategies for long-term change.
When to seek professional help for Anger
Your GP might have suggested meeting with a therapist for anger management. If anger is affecting your health, relationships, or quality of life, professional counselling can help. With over 20 years of experience as a psychologist, I provide anger management counselling in Dublin and online across Ireland and the UK. Together, we can break down the patterns fueling your anger and develop practical, long-term strategies for change.
How Counselling Can Help
Counselling provides a safe, supportive space to understand your anger and learn effective ways to manage it. Through tailored sessions, you can:
- Understand the triggers behind your anger.
- Learn healthier ways to respond to difficult situations.
- Improve relationships by communicating more effectively.
- Regain control of your emotions and reduce the impact of anger on your life.
Why Work with Me?
- Over 20 years of experience helping clients manage difficult emotions.
- Sessions tailored to your specific needs and goals.
- Options for in-person counselling in Dublin or convenient online sessions.
If you’re ready to take the first step, let’s work together to create a calmer, more fulfilling life.If you are ready to work with a therapist I appreciate finding someone suitable can seem overwhelming. Rather than go into detail here on what to look for, I have written an article on how to select a suitable therapist who can help you with anger. Regardless on whether you work with me or another therapist, it is important that you begin your search armed with the correct information on what to look for.
I shall mention UK organisations as that is where I trained British Psychological Society – find a psychologist and here in Ireland, The Psychological Society of Ireland directory.
You can have traditional face to face sessions, We meet on a weekly basis and undertake traditional psychological therapy. Discover how Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) helps manage anger by focusing on emotional regulation and mindfulness
Online Anger Management for Ireland and UK
If you are outside of Dublin, or face to face does not suit you, we can arrange online sessions. This also applies to the UK. I did all my professional training in the UK, and am happy to offer online anger management for those of you in the UK that wish to work with me. After living and working in Surrey and London for many years I appreciate the need for more flexibility around therapy, in terms of time, location and convenience.
Self -Help Anger Management Course
If anger is impacting your life, my online anger management course offers a proven path to regain control. Combining Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), and mindfulness, this self-paced course gives you the tools to manage emotions effectively—anytime, anywhere.
What Makes This Course Different?
- CBT strategies: Learn to identify and reframe negative thoughts that fuel your anger.
- DBT techniques: Master skills for emotional regulation and calming intense feelings.
- Mindfulness exercises: Reduce stress and stay present in challenging situations.
- Comprehensive resources: Worksheets, exercises, and guided videos included.
What Participants Are Saying About the Course
Join the hundreds of people who’ve taken control of their anger with this self-paced course, designed by Dr Elaine Ryan.
Key Feedback from Participants:
- 98% said they felt more in control of their anger after completing the course.
- 100% reported a deeper understanding of how anger works and how to manage it.
- 97% would recommend the course to a friend or family member.
What They’re Saying:
- “This course gave me the tools I needed to finally manage my anger. I feel calmer and more in control.”
- “I loved how practical and easy-to-follow the course was. It helped me understand myself so much better.”
- “Highly recommend this course! It’s like having therapy at home, at my own pace.”
Why Choose This Course?
- Flexible: Learn at your own pace, on your schedule.
- Affordable: Start today for just €89—no ongoing costs.
- Proven Effective: 98% of participants report better anger control.
Don’t wait to take control of your emotions and transform how you manage anger.
Outlook
Anger is a powerful emotion that can impact every aspect of your life, but it doesn’t have to control you. By breaking it down into manageable parts—physical, cognitive, and behavioural—you can develop the skills to recognise and express your feelings in healthier ways. Whether through therapy, self-help strategies, or online courses, taking action is the first step toward lasting change.
If you’re ready to explore more about anger and how to manage it, visit our Anger Management Articles. You’ll find expert resources and practical advice to help you take control of your anger and live a calmer, more fulfilling life.