Anger Management Therapy in Dublin, Ireland – Dr Elaine Ryan

Anger is an emotion that we all experience, and like all emotions it can be broken down, understood and managed. If you feel you need help managing your anger or others have suggested anger management to you, I shall outline what this entails and how it can help you. I have been helping people manage difficult emotions for over 20 years and am here to help you. Dr Elaine Ryan

Understanding Anger: The Basics

Anger is a natural human emotion, but it can become problematic when it’s excessive or expressed in unhealthy ways. To effectively manage anger, it’s crucial to understand its underlying mechanisms.

What is Anger?

Anger is a natural emotion that tells us something is not quite right. It can range from mild irritation to full-blown rage, but like all emotions, anger is temporary and will die down or escalate, depending on how you respond to the trigger.

Anger comprises the following three components.

Physical – what happens in your body when you experience the emotion
Cognitive (thoughts) – what thought processes run through your mind during the feeling, and
Behavioural – what you do and feel you want to do when you experience the emotion.

It is the interplay between these three components that determines whether you have anger issues or not.

In control versus out of control anger

In control anger

Not in control anger

Physical: Aware of body tension, but actively using calming techniques (deep breaths, relaxation). May feel the urge to move, but chooses controlled movement (like taking a walk).
Mental: Acknowledges angry thoughts, but challenges them. Focuses on solutions instead of dwelling on the problem.
Behavioural: Expresses anger assertively, using “I” statements and respectful language. Maintains a calm tone of voice and controlled body language.

Physical: Overwhelmed by physical sensations (racing heart, tense muscles). Feels strong urges to lash out, possibly with aggressive movements.
Mental: Consumed by angry, blaming thoughts. Ruminates on the issue, escalating the anger further.
Behavioural: Expresses anger aggressively – yelling, insults, threats. Displays hostile body language (clenched fists, invading personal space).

I think I have anger issues, what next?

If you recognize these signs in your life, it’s important to seek help. Anger is a learned behaviour, and with the right tools and support, you can learn to manage it effectively.

Is anger affecting your life?

When your anger is out of control it can affect all aspects of your life including your relationships with others, your work and even your physical health. If this is happening to you, it is probably time to seek professional help as uncontrolled anger can lead to:

Physical Health Problems:

Cardiovascular disease
Digestive problems
Weakened immune system
Insomnia

Mental Health Challenges:

Anxiety
Depression
Stress

Relationship Difficulties:

Conflict with friends and family
Difficulty maintaining relationships
Problems at work

If you recognise that you have anger issues, remember it is an emotion and like any other emotion you can be taught to manage it.
Dr Elaine Ryan

How Does Anger Management Counselling Work?

When you make the decision to get help with your anger, there are different models of therapy that can be used to help you with anger. All clinicians will use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) as this is a tried and tested model, and all respectable therapists are trained in CBT, but there are other models that can help you manage anger which can be offered if your therapist has training in them.

Therapeutic models that are highly effective in helping you manage anger:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): This model focuses on changing negative thinking patterns that fuel anger. By challenging and reframing these thoughts, you can reduce emotional intensity and learn to respond in healthier ways.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): DBT is excellent for those who struggle with managing intense emotions. It teaches skills like mindfulness and emotional regulation, which help in reducing anger.
Narrative Therapy: This approach helps individuals reframe their personal stories and experiences, allowing them to see their anger from a different perspective and reduce its hold on them.

Techniques Used in Anger Management Counselling

Self-Awareness: The first step to managing anger is recognising the early signs. I work with clients to help them become more aware of how anger manifests physically and emotionally. The first step in managing anger is self-awareness. Many people with anger problems are in desperate need of help but do not recognise the problem in themselves. This article can help you recognise if anger is a problem for you. They may blame their anger on other people, outright deny what is happening, or they really might just not see the problem. The person could have been raised in a home where anger was normal, and they have normalised their behaviour. Hence, this first step in managing anger is recognising that you have a problem. If you think this might be you, I shall briefly outline the different ways that people can show their anger, which may not be acceptable or healthy for other people.
- Common anger styles:
  - Explosive: Individuals with this style tend to erupt quickly and intensely.
  - Passive-Aggressive: They express anger indirectly through sarcasm, procrastination, or stubbornness. You can read more on passive aggression here.
  - Chronic Complainer: These individuals often express dissatisfaction and blame others for their problems.
  - Self-Pitying: This style involves focusing on one’s own misfortunes and blaming others for their difficulties.
Cognitive Restructuring: Changing thought patterns is key to managing anger. Instead of focusing on negative or unhelpful thoughts, cognitive restructuring teaches you to challenge and replace them with more balanced thoughts.
Communication Skills: Assertive communication is a vital tool in preventing anger from escalating. You’ll learn to express your feelings in a way that doesn’t harm others.
Stress-Reduction Techniques: Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and progressive muscle relaxation can calm both mind and body during moments of anger.
Environment Modification: Adjusting your environment or habits to reduce exposure to triggers can be very effective.

Practical Tips for Managing Anger at Home

Here are some techniques you can try at home to start managing your anger:

Recognising Triggers: Keep a journal of situations, people, or thoughts that trigger your anger.
Deep Breathing Techniques: Practice deep breathing exercises to calm yourself during moments of anger. Inhale for four counts, hold, and exhale for four counts.
Exercise: Physical activity is a great way to release pent-up anger and stress.
Mindfulness Practices: Mindfulness can help you stay in the moment and reduce the intensity of your anger.
Improving Communication: Learn to use “I” statements, such as “I feel frustrated when…” instead of blaming others.

When to seek professional help

Your GP might have suggested meeting with a therapist for anger management or you’ve noticed that your anger is damaging your health, relationships, or quality of life, and decided its time to seek professional help. Working with a therapist can help you break down your anger into manageable parts and provide long-term strategies for change.

If you are ready to work with a therapist I appreciate finding someone suitable can seem overwhelming. Rather than go into detail here on what to look for, I have written an article on how to select a suitable therapist who can help you with anger. Regardless on whether you work with me or another therapist, it is important that you begin your search armed with the correct information on what to look for.

What to Expect from Anger Management Counselling with Dr. Elaine Ryan

In anger management counselling, we focus on understanding the triggers for your anger, developing tools to manage it, and improving your emotional regulation. My goal is to help you gain control over your anger so that it no longer controls you.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is what most people think of when they are considering counselling for anger, but as I mentioned above, there are also several other models that are extremely useful in managing anger; for example, I am also trained in a model of therapy called Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, and parts of this model are excellent for helping with anger issues, teaching you more effective communication skills as well as showing you how to cope better with distress and discomfort. You can read more on DBT here.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy CBT

Cognitive component.

The cognitive component is essential to understand as your thoughts cannot only talk up your anger but also calm it down.

It is helpful to note that all emotional components match what you feel. For example, you probably won’t have uplifting or motivating thoughts if you feel sad. There are typical thinking styles associated with emotions; one to watch out for if you are angry is rumination. Rumination means repeatedly repeating the same thought or scenario in your head, which, unfortunately, with anger, helps intensify the emotion.

Standard thought processes that accompany anger include,

I hate that person
The situation or person is wrong.
Blame- either yourself or others.
Being prevented from doing what you want.

Cognitive restructuring, often used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), involves challenging and reframing negative thought patterns. For example, instead of thinking, “This always happens to me,” you might reframe it to, “This is a challenging situation, but I can handle it.” Instead of thinking, “My boss is always picking on me,” a person might reframe it as, “My boss seems stressed lately, and their tone might reflect that.”

Behavioural component

I find it easier to think of the behavioural component of anger as having an action. You are doing something. When you are angry, you are communicating. The problem may not be with the emotion of anger but how you share what you are feeling.

Behavioural communication involves

how you speak, your tone, your choice of words,
how you are using your body, your body language

The behavioural element of CBT is very much about doing and changing, for example, you will taught or given homework to complete, such as

Deep breathing: Simple deep-breathing exercises can help calm your mind and body. A simple technique is to inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. This can be done anywhere, even in a stressful situation.
Exercise: Physical activity can reduce stress and improve mood.
Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce the intensity of your anger.
Communication: Learning to express your feelings assertively using “I” statements can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflict. For example, you could say, “I feel frustrated when my efforts aren’t recognized,” rather than blaming others.
Forgiveness: Holding onto grudges can fuel anger. Practising forgiveness can free you from this burden.
Humour: Using humour appropriately can help diffuse tension and shift your perspective. Watching a funny video or telling a joke can help shift focus and reduce anger.
Environment changes: Modifying your environment to reduce exposure to triggers can help prevent anger episodes.

There are various models of therapy that can help with anger, and the following articles that I have written can explain them in more detail.

Outlook

Anger is just another emotion that can cause havoc and hurt in your life, but it can be broken down into manageable parts that you can work with. And it is by undertaking this type of work that you can learn to not only recognising anger as it is bubbling up, but are able to express what is going on for you without resorting to shouting or losing your temper. This in effect is anger management.