Anger has a way of taking over. One minute you’re holding it together, the next you’ve snapped, and afterwards you wish you’d handled it differently. These ideas aren’t about pretending you’re not angry. They’re about finding small ways to give yourself a bit of space so the anger doesn’t control you.
1. Breathe
When anger rises, your breath goes short and shallow. Try slowing it down. In for four, hold for four, out for four. Do that a few times. It takes the edge off.
2. Notice the Thought
Anger often comes with a quick thought like they’re ignoring me or this always happens. Pause and check: is it true, or am I jumping to conclusions?
3. Take a Break
If things are heating up, step away. Say, “I need a few minutes,” and leave the room. Come back when you’re calmer.
4. Speak in “I”
“I feel annoyed when the dishes are left” lands better than “You never clean up.” It lowers the chance of a row.
5. Solve the Real Issue
Sometimes anger is pointing at a problem. Once you’ve cooled down, ask what the actual issue is and what small step you can take to fix it.
6. Ground Yourself
When your head is racing, bring your focus back. Notice five things you see, four you feel, three you hear, two you smell, one you taste.
7. Release the Tension
Anger makes your muscles tight. Clench your fists for a few seconds, then let go. Work up through your body.
8. Use Lightness
A shared laugh can break tension, if the moment is right. Not sarcasm, just something that softens the mood.
9. Move Your Body
Go for a walk, stretch, or do something physical. Anger is energy — moving helps get it out.
10. Try to See Their Side
Ask yourself, “Could they just be tired, stressed, or distracted?” It might not excuse things, but it can ease your reaction.
You don’t need to do all of these. Pick one or two that fit you and try them. With practice, they get easier. The full anger management guide expands on each of these ten techniques and shows how CBT and DBT make them stick long-term.
Putting It Into Practice
It’s one thing to read a list of techniques, but another to use them when your anger is right there in the moment. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be perfect straight away. Anger management is a bit like building a new habit at the gym — the more you practise, the stronger that muscle gets.
A simple way to start is to keep a notebook, or even just jot a note in your phone, when you notice yourself getting angry. Write down:
- What set it off?
- What did I feel in my body?
- What did I do?
- What could I try next time?
This doesn’t take long, but it helps you spot patterns. You might notice that lack of sleep or skipping meals makes you quicker to snap. Or that certain situations — like being stuck in traffic or feeling criticised — are your main triggers. Once you see the pattern, you can plan for it.
Another tip is to practise these techniques when you’re not angry. Take five minutes when you’re calm to try box breathing or grounding. That way, your brain gets used to it and it’s easier to call on when you need it most.
Finally, remember that managing anger doesn’t mean never showing it. Anger has a purpose — it lets us know when something isn’t right. The skill is learning to express it in a way that doesn’t hurt you or the people around you. Sometimes that’s through a calm conversation, sometimes it’s through problem-solving, and sometimes it’s just taking yourself out for a walk to cool down.
If anger is overwhelming, or if it’s causing real problems in your relationships or work, reaching out for extra support can help. In Ireland, there are therapists trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) who specialise in emotional regulation. Talking it through in a safe space can give you tailored strategies that work for your life.
The bottom line: these techniques are not about making you someone you’re not. They’re about giving you choices. With practice, you’ll start to notice that you can pause, take a breath, and respond differently. And that’s where real change begins.
